For those who know me well, you know I use a lot of lists. So much so that I often make a list of lists that I need to make. So, of course, I've treated this current health crisis the same and made lists, and lists, and more lists and got a sense of comfort from being able to check them all off.
But after the events of last week and today, I realize this is really more like one of my favorite activities, my backroad photography. This is one area where lists don't rule, and going with the flow is the only way to go. When I head out to do backroad photography, I'm armed with a map (downloaded digital and paper) and a general idea of what the area that I'm going to is like, but I'm not looking for anything in particular. While I may have a rough list of what roads I'm planning to go down there are often roadblocks; a fallen tree, a closed bridge, too muddy for even AWD. Then there is another kind of roadblock, the road that I thought looked good, has deep ditches, no way to turn around, nothing to shoot and I end up going 5-10 miles out my way.
That last one is what last week was like. Required medications for the AFib (blood thinners) caused internal bleeding. This spiraled into one thing after another ending up with me needing 5 days in the hospital, 5 pints of blood, an MRI and CT whose contrast dye's knocked my kidneys for a loop. I'm dealing with about 20 extra pounds of water gain that is making walking very hard - think penguin :-). I was shifted between ER, Step-Down ICU, ICU and finally my specific cancer ward. Spent at least 2 days dealing with nausea that only intervenous drugs were helping. I didn't do anything but sleep. I'd say "and eat", but I was doing very little of that. The ditches were getting deeper, no good turn-arounds in sight. This was one of those roads where the only way was through it. Thankfully, other than the water weight gain everything has reset to normal. The water weight just takes time.
Today was one other kind of roadblock. I don't encounter this one much. It's the "stop you in you tracks" roadblock. These send you home, plan a do-over down the road. This can be a bad storm coming up, conditions beyond what I or my vehicle can handle, an old injury acting up, exhaustion from trying a hike that was little too much me. Today I had an allergic reaction the first chemo. I could not breathe. I blacked out. Epipen...ambulance ride to the ER...home. So, do-over tomorrow. I get to try a new road of becoming desensitized to what causes the reaction in that particular drug.
Finally, there is one more thing I do when I head out to shoot. Often it's just when I'm heading out the door and I realize I forgot to do it. Tell someone where I'm going. For me, this is the hubby. I usually send him a link to the maps I'm using. It's not perfect, but it's better than nothing. I know I can be really bad about answering messages, texts, and email as to how I'm doing. I sometimes just need to process what's happening before I talk about, sometimes I'm too tired to hold the phone, or IV's get in the way of texting. I will usually try to answer your message personally at some point, but if you haven't heard from me in a keeping checking FB or my website blog: roseklocknerphotography.com for an update. It's not perfect, but it works.
Love to you all and BEAT CANCER!